Restlessnessicity.

It’s 945am and I’m sitting at my desk about to blog about my restlessness today.
Though the bf shoos me off to sleep by 12am every night,
I haven’t had a fitful bout of sleep since the start of the week.
And bad dreams don’t make it any better.

Have been anxious about the arrival of today.
Now that Thursday is finally here,
I’m getting all fidgety and restless from the waiting.
6 more hours to go.

Didn’t managed to climb this week.
Only went for yoga on Monday with Mich, Jared and 2 of Mich’s colleagues.
We did Sivananda yoga this time with Asokan.
Less tiring than Hatha and still as enjoyable.
I think Jared has decided to join in our weekly routine of yoga
Which I am truly happy about.
Cause yoga has not been something that young guys are highly enthusiastic about
It has always been deemed as a more womanly sport isn’t it.
Nevertheless,
It’s always great to have more company.

Have been attending yoga lessons with MIch for close to 5 months now
And I see us progressing steadily week-by-week
But what really makes me smile is the fact that I have such a nice yoga buddy.
We share the same views and interest in the type of yoga to practise,
We share the same enthusiasm for yoga,
We go for delightful dinners thereafter,
We talk about anything under the stars,
All in all,
I treasure the kind of bond and understanding that we have.
As we move on in life,
People come and go.
The rest may have drifted,
But I hope ours is here to stay.


Signing off.

At Spruce.

Ok.
Healing my stomach at 1pm on a Saturday afternoon.
I wouldn't say i had brunch though that was what it was supposed to be.
It was lunch.
Was my first time there and i adore the place already.
The first thing I did when I sat down was to whip out my bb and start snapping pictures.
Then i sent it via bbm to the bf and told him i'm gonna bring him here.
Hahah.
And my next thought was to bring my mom here the next Saturday morning.
After which,
I wondered if it would've been too far fetched for me to own something like this.

I sat waiting for xin to arrive while drinking in the surroundings.
Reminds me of the breakfast one Sunday morning i had in Melbourne.
The feeling, the deco, the food and the people.
Links my thoughts immediately to the breakfast place by the train station.
The food was surprisingly identical.
Though i still preferred the one i had in melb.
That aside,
I saw a few familiar faces.
Yap & Shumei.
I was watching them through the glass from insde.
I bet they didn't know haha.
Jessica.
I was pretty sure it was her.
Some life-science girl whom i knew by face but not by name.
The whole world was there
Then how come i never knew of such a nice place?!

The big brekkie we both ordered

Xin

Interior of Spruce

Excuse me, are these my arms

Finally got down to hard exercises this week.
Climbing on Monday,
Yoga on Wednesday,
And blading on Saturday.
Climbing was good.
Cause climbing was with Sandra, Claud & Dan.
The routes were harder than those that I've been doing recently,
Tough but exciting.
But I know I'm far from san's and claud's current standard.
Need to buck up.
Nevertheless, I'm not gonna stop climbing.
Along the way,
I realised that I really enjoy/love/enjoy/love climbing with san.
She's like my motivation to climb (do hard routes).

Yoga was absolute fun.
And absolute pain (literally).
I never knew hatha yoga could be so intense.
Only 20 minutes of it left me with jelly legs
And I made a fool of myself in class.
With thighs already aching from last week's yoga session,
This week's yoga really killed my legs.
Despite that, I still enjoy every single session of it.
Cause I really see the improvement after each class.

Then i'm left with blading tomorrow at ECP.
I hope it'll be another full sweat-out session.
Once tomorrow comes,
The weekend will go by in a flash.
Anticipating the arrival of Thursday.
Just 6 more days to my hug.

The Freedom To Feel. In Words.

The conversation with JJ yesterday got me writing this today.

I recall reading Jansen Ko's post on his fb 2 weeks back.
His bold revelations sparked off a flurry of comments.
Some questioned.
Some criticized.
Some defended.
Some supported.
While many others simply liked what he wrote.
On a personal note, I was impressed.
Impressed by his boldness, his incredibly long write-up, his concrete examples.
The first question I had in mind was:
"Exactly how long did he take to compose this"
I didn't have the patience to read till the end
Nevertheless I could guess what he was going on about.
No doubt that post wasn't music to everyone's ears
But I thought it was a truthful account on his part.

I got to read his most recent blog post and another one before.
All I felt, were written with true emotions.
I'm not saying that most people do not write with emotions.
But I just think that many write selectively.
Myself included as well.
Many times, we do not write about the way we feel.
Is it the fear of being judged?
Or is it that revealing our inner thoughts reflects the weak and vulnerable sides of us.
Is that why guys tend to put up a strong front?
Is that why guys can never admit that they are hurt and that they cry too?

I have always respected people and especially guys who dare to show their true feelings.
There exist a stigma where guys who cry are seen as fragile and unmanly
I call that nonsense.
Perhaps I am a crybaby myself
But who doesn't cry?
Who doesn't feel hurt?
Who doesn't have feelings?
In fact, people who wear their emotions on their sleevs are more endearing.
At least you don't constantly have to guess their moods.

One other blog that I enjoy reading is xiaxue's.
No doubt she blabbers at times,
Write about superficial stuff,
Complains inccesantly,
And even though she may not write in fluent english,
Her comments and opinions reflect upon her true feelings.
The way she writes reflects her personality.
Something not many can afford to do.

Writing this post also makes me reflect upon myself.
Would I start writing the exact words of my thoughts?
Or would I write with caution?
I guess I'm gonna try to let the feelings flow.
At least I think my previous posts have been a true reflection of my thoughts and feelings.

The past & I

It was a Sunday that i didn't felt like talking much.
I had alot to say and had stuff to tell but I couldn't find any compelling reason to talk.
I was supposed to tell my parents that I am going away again in May.
Was supposed to tell them about my trip to Bintan next weekend.
But I figured I didn't need the nagging yesterday and so i clammed up.

It was also a Sunday that I thought about love, friends, people, my life and the past.
I thought about the people whom I loved and still love as well as the people who loved/loves me.
I am thankful for the friends who stood by me through the hard times.
Perhaps one of the darkest period of my life was the breakup.
But through that, I found people whom I could always count on
And at the same time, saw through some people for who they really were.

I always thought that it was wrong to take sides when mutual friends break up.
How does one judge based on stories alone?
My belief stands at the notion that both parties have a part to play
So I was bothered by someone's behaviour recently.

That aside, I thought about my love life - the past, present and future.
The past:
I didn't regret the relationship.
He ever asked me if I would hate him for wasting my time if our relationship broke down one day
My immediate answer was no.
And even up till today, my answer still holds.
It served as a good turning point and learning platform for me.
Though it didn't work out in the end,
It was nevertheless unforgettable in a way.
But it also struck me that we never did talk about marriage or our future together.
I remember times when I would ask myself if I would marry him one day
And I left it unanswered for the longest time
I guess I just wasn't sure if he's the one I wanted to be with for life.
Ironically, I am curious to know what he thought.

The present:
Work has not the most wonderful experience
Yet it is through work that I found what I have been searching for.
You know how people always say that the sunshine will appear after the rain?
I have been through the rain
And now I get to the sunshine part.
It rained hard on me.
During that downpour,
I let myself believed the lies and the empty promises.
I blamed him for being such a bastard
But I know I should blame myself for being so stupid.
Like how this saying goes:
"If he hurts you once, shame on him. If he hurts you twice, shame on you"
This can never be more app.
I was never angry at him moving on.
I was angry at him for lying.

The current relationship brought a new meaning to my life.
I think we share alot more in common than we know
And I think we pretty much have a understanding between us.
The most important aspect of this relationship is that we love the other for who he or she is.
Even for the character flaws.
One thing i know for sure is that I feel satisfied in this relationship.
Basically, there is nothing lacking between us.
Perhaps only the distance.

The future:
I was never someone who really put much thought into planning for the future.
Living by the days seemed good enough for me.
But now I know that I got to think ahead and plan ahead.
I have honestly thought about moving.
Felt that I needed to be away from home for awhile.
Having tasted being alone and away from home in a foreign land,
The thought of it lures me like a drug.
Tempting me time and again to move away.
Of course, being able to close the gap between me and dani is like icing on the top of the cake
But there is more to consider than just simply moving.
We talked about our future together.
And we both know that we do want a future together despite all the obstacles along the way.
There are people who don't think we will make it work
There are distances that we have to cross
There are issues that we have to face
And life-changing choices that we have to make.
Yet I am still confident that our time will come.

Leaving the long term plans aside, I would very much like to focus on the days ahead.
We talked about me visting in May.
We planned for a bike expedition in the woods,
A midnight escapade out on the lake with the sail boat,
And camping trip over the weekend.
Time will be a tad too tight to squeeze all of the above into 10 days.
But I'm sure we can pull off the first two at least.

Somewhere along the way as I was writing this,
The present and future doesn't seem as bleak anymore.
Yes, there are marks that have marred the records
But these marks are there for a reason.